fnord

note- i wrote this last night

i was feeling kind of bad tonight. for the past several days, the depression-thing has been popping up occasionally. today, i was just feeling incredibly trapped- in a small apartment, in a life doing rather solitary things, etc, with same old desperate panic-y thing. even after south pacific, i wasn't so sure i'd be alright (i managed to keep from crying in it but only just barely. also, the musical was kind of really really wonderful.) but anyway, we walked out after it across the middle-ish of lincoln center, down those wide stairs, and you could see the city being all city-like-- tall buildings of various heights, with irregular patterns of lit-up rooms, and people and cars all around, pretty blinky things, that sort of stuff-- and i knew it was all right. no more feeling trapped in a small apartment, but just a feeling of fitting in to it all perfectly. and it is all wonderful.

ｉ　ｒｅａｌｉｓｅｄ　ｔｏｎｉｇｈｔ〜
ｉ'ｍ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｇｏｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｓｔｒｏｎｇｌｙ　ａｆｆｅｃｔｅｄｂｙ　ｓｔｏｒｉｅｓ　ｗｈｅｒｅ　ｓｏｍｅｂｏｄｙ　ｃａｎ　ｎｏ　ｌｏｎｇｅｒ　ｄａｎｃｅ．
ｅｓｐｅｃｉａｌｌｙ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｔｈｅｙ'ｒｅ　ｋｉｎｄ　ｏｆ　ｙｏｕｎｇ，　ａｎｄ　ｈａｄ　ａ　ｃｈａｎｃｅ　ｔｏ　ｐｒｏｖｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｈａｖｅ　ｈａｄ　ａ　ｐｒｏｍｉｓｉｎｇ　ｃａｒｅｅｒ，　ｂｕｔ　ｔｈｅｎ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｃａｎ'ｔ　ｄａｎｃｅ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ．
ｔｈｉｎｇｓ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ａｒｅ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｇｏｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｓｏ　ｈｏｒｒｉｂ；ｅ．　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｔｈｅｙ　ａｒｅ．


ａｌｓｏ，　ｉ　ｄｉｄｎ'ｔ　ｍｅａｎ　ｔｏ　ｕｓｅ　ａ　ｐｉｃｔｕｒｅ　ｑｕｉｔｅ　ｌｉｋｅ　＊ｔｈａｔ＊　ｏｆ　ｙａｍａｐｉ，　ｂｕｔ　ｉｔ　ｗａｓ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｐａｇｅ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｓｅａｒｃｈｅｄ　ｆｏｒ　ｐｉｃｔｕｒｅｓ　ｏｆ　ｓｏｒｅ　ｗａ，　ｔｏｔｓｕｚｅｎ，　ａｒａｓｈｉ　ｎｏ　ｙｏｕ　ｎｉ　ｓｏｏｏ．．．　ｉｔ'ｓ　ｈｅｒｅ　ｎｏｗ．　ａｌｓｏ　ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ　ｃｏｍｍｅｎｔｅｄ　ｈｅ　ｌｏｏｋｓ　ａｎｏｒｅｘｉｃ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｐｈｏｔｏ．．．　ｉ　ｄｏｎ'ｔ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｉｆ　ｔｈａｔ'ｓ　ｔｒｕｅ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｐｉｃｔｕｒｅ　ｂｕｔ　ａｐｐａｒｅｎｔｌｙ　ｈｅ　ｗａｓ　ａｔ　ｏｎｅ　ｐｏｉｎｔ．．．　ｉ　ｓｕｐｐｏｓｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｔｏ　ｓａｙ　ｉｓ　ｉ　ｈｏｐｅ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｆｕｔｕｒｅ　ｈｅ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｈａｖｅ　ｐｒｏｂｌｅｍｓ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｔｈａｔ　Ｔ＿Ｔ

i love you all
and i love the passionfruit.

cty <3。

drunk need to do this more often SO MUCH FUN!!!
like 10 or 15 minutes mild le upset stomach and before that wuite happy and right now also SUPER HAPPINESS!!!

i left a post-it note about this on my door; everyone's at a nice rave and i do hope they're enjoying it! well i trust they are. and my dress is, even if i'm not, and i'm enjoying the not-rave well enough (even if the real rave would be FUCKING AWESOME FUN) so that's good enough.

cranberry juice continues to be my saviour; i ought to start collecting it.

so unfortunate that the formal logic system we use that's based on english does not properly allow for the subjunctive. would solve a lot of problems with it, or at least the problem about pegasus.

i have just discovered that to my brain q is the most important letter in frequencies. i found this out whan i accidentally typed the word without its q, looked it, and felt like the central and most essential part of the word, that makes it what it is, was missing.