there seems the need for me to record a little of my impressions of this new show called 'bunheads' i have watched the first episode of;; at least, the ballet-world relevant parts of it.
at the moment, this only my personal notes while watching, written in the moment - not coherent. my apologies; i simply wanted to get it all down.
chicago 'audition' she didn't make entirely unsympathetic to her plight with that setup! if she looks/presents wrong for the job, well, yeah of course she shouldn't have a chance - i thought she was going to dance and not measure up that way or something! omg ridiculously unprofessional talking about it afterwards! that's not the kind of rejection you make a big deal of! teacher painfully unconvincing dancing in class could def be worse. will give them that, thank god. BUT THAT*S NOT HOW YOU ACT IN CLASS DEAR GOD OHHHHH FUCK YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT BALANCHINE THAT WAY; NOT *YOU*; NOT QUITE *LIKE THAT*; AND ABSOLUTELY NOT SAYING *THAT* which ummmmmmm lolo again you know nothing about ballet and for claiming balanchine there FUCK YOUUUUUU yup this is my hot issue right here also you do not look balanchine trained so dont invoke him like thattttttttttt that's not how you stretch in class or talk um she better not wear two bras under her leotard wtff that's not how joffrey auditions!!! the fuck is with that mouse or something on a leotard also joffrey are one of the less restricted re body type... omg lol joffrey intensive 'a whole summer of school' "hey it's working" oh god lol omggggggggg this is not how you react to a correction walking on the studio floor in street shoes = NO also a short waist is good in ballet. they have a pack of beer on the studio floor and 'practising' balle on it in street shoes NO especially not with a lounge area just off to the side wtf? you do not be that age and 'train at abt' and you do not train at abt if you're going to go be a showgirl for the pay props for a ballets russes dancer doing coppelia which is a ballet they actually did why are they treating joffrey like the one summer chance, ummm, if they're auditioning for that they should be auditioning for a bunch more intensives too? the fuck, why do they still have to ask what even happens at an audition and she's entirely showing them commercial audition which is totally different track from classical or joffrey?? (also i don't even know if she's getting that at all right, ofc...) may i express how utterly sick i am of the 'ballerinas~~ need someone else to come in and force them to dance with life~ and style~ and energy~ and attitude~' /puke um those kids had better know a lot better how to follow auditioner directions already??? also i have never once known anyone to like have trouble about going by number rather than name or remembering their number? including six year olds? did you just call them 'toe shoes' ... also the 'totally different' is right, i don't appreciate that being made out as the dumb ballet snot to get showed up 'full scholarship' to a thing that didn't exist??? and company at 17 would be fairly normal for a 30something now, not 'very impressive'
i was feeling kind of bad tonight. for the past several days, the depression-thing has been popping up occasionally. today, i was just feeling incredibly trapped- in a small apartment, in a life doing rather solitary things, etc, with same old desperate panic-y thing. even after south pacific, i wasn't so sure i'd be alright (i managed to keep from crying in it but only just barely. also, the musical was kind of really really wonderful.) but anyway, we walked out after it across the middle-ish of lincoln center, down those wide stairs, and you could see the city being all city-like-- tall buildings of various heights, with irregular patterns of lit-up rooms, and people and cars all around, pretty blinky things, that sort of stuff-- and i knew it was all right. no more feeling trapped in a small apartment, but just a feeling of fitting in to it all perfectly. and it is all wonderful.
drunk need to do this more often SO MUCH FUN!!! like 10 or 15 minutes mild le upset stomach and before that wuite happy and right now also SUPER HAPPINESS!!!
i left a post-it note about this on my door; everyone's at a nice rave and i do hope they're enjoying it! well i trust they are. and my dress is, even if i'm not, and i'm enjoying the not-rave well enough (even if the real rave would be FUCKING AWESOME FUN) so that's good enough.
cranberry juice continues to be my saviour; i ought to start collecting it.
so unfortunate that the formal logic system we use that's based on english does not properly allow for the subjunctive. would solve a lot of problems with it, or at least the problem about pegasus.
i have just discovered that to my brain q is the most important letter in frequencies. i found this out whan i accidentally typed the word without its q, looked it, and felt like the central and most essential part of the word, that makes it what it is, was missing.
i feel an odd fellowship or more comraderie (OYY KOMRADE JAAAAA RUSSIA) with the drunk people of the internet... those of use who don't feel like doing anything with peopl eat the moment but would rather do things without-other-people while being drunk than sober... all these web 2.0 community-oriented things that are like websites but have comments on every little timyart of them... especially the ones that take user-submitted content that is often from or about drunk people. you just want to post and share. i'm not so sure i want to share it all with the inernet at large, though i'm gettung occasional impulses to ut have so far manged to control them, but it's that you see all the other drunk people on the internet, and you want to communicate to them, because you know if you were physicallty near eachouter now ant talking, you would have a rather enjoyable conversation. since i am currently a bit tipsy and sitting around alone on the internet, i quite understand the posts and comments from drunk people in a way i'm not sure i really have before. you don't theink the whole internet wants to hear your drunk ramblings, but you feel a sense of community with the drunk part of the internet ant want to talk to them. and then the rest of the internet sees it anyway and is like 'oh a drunk person posting lah thats stupid lah' and knowing that is wha'ts kept me from posting ot=n othwr parts of the internet (i fgure this blog-thihg soens't count so much because its not someone else's part of the internet, it's mine) but if i were a bit drunker, i' not sure i could resist the ipulse. and so many peuople, when drunker than i currently am, are not prevented from posting and therefore do. and that is where drunk posts on the internet come from.
i should post here more often when i'm drunk. good record of thoughts (like perhaps i can read this when i' tampted to post sometwhere else but am drunk) and this needs some posts anyway, and not the kind of posts that invidte close friendship.
also. observation: cranberry juice and vodka is a Good Thing (and not a GHoot think like i typed the first time). especially as the cranberry huice here is some sickly sweet thing from concentrate with a fuckton of high fructose corn syrup, and does not really taste likie proper tart-sih cranberry juice, when you add gross cheap vodka to it, it actually tastes a lot more like normap decent cranberry juice. Discovery!
well that was a good essay! -:¦:-•:*¨¨*:•.-:¦:--*
as an addition or post-script of sorts, i have just talked to two people a bit. i am pretty sure neither of them is aware i have had anything to drink; i just seem livelier, happier, and more talkative and emotive than i usually am- in short, more fun and personable and more like other people here who are liked and have fun. conclusion: should be slightly drunk more. good conclusion, exactly what i'd already thought, in fact. now backed up by DA POWA of SCIENCE〜！〜
this song、「Journey Through The Decade」、helped me so much on my exam today. I was really sick (i had to not go to the two classes before the test so i would be awake and have some energy for it) and i was afraid i would not do well at all on the exam... anyway as i walked to the exam i listened to this song, to get some energy and feel better. so during the test i saved what i thought was the hardest question for last, because i was afraid i would never find the answer and didn't want to wast time from the other questions... and so finally i was working on the last question, it made no sense, and suddenly part of the song started playing in my mind, and suddenly i knew how to finish the answer! a miracle, from Gackt! thank you so much!! ^_^ also, i think this morning (my time; 10 at night his time) Gackt performed this song live here and perhaps answered interview questions or talked about it... i don't know... because i was sick, i did not wake up for it... i was really sad when i woke up still sick two hours later and had missed it TT_TT i hope soon somebody will upload a recording maybe.